Whose Needs Come First When Choosing a School?

Who matters most when choosing the school – me or the kids?

Last week whilst doing some mindless scrolling, I came across a Facebook post from a woman seeking help from an online Mum’s community group.

Recently separated, she was asking for help in choosing which school to send her children – the one near her ex-husband, a twenty-five-minute drive away, which her husband said was excellent, well-resourced and would be the perfect fit for their kids, or, the one near her house, which was also fine but maybe not as dazzling.

The thought of driving fifty minutes in total per day was the biggest clincher for this woman. Being recently separated and the majority caregiver for her kids meant she was getting used to the new normal that her life was about to take.

She was concerned about the exhaustion she would feel as a single Mum, having to get the kids ready for school and be in the car with them, plus being out of the area meant missing out on the support her local community could give her.

However, this school her ex-husband recommended also looked fantastic; she knew that her kids would love it and would probably thrive there – and it was right near the kid’s father, although he only cared for them for two days per week.

Great for him, right?

So what should she do?

When choosing a school for your child, you might have a perfect place in mind. This school may be abundant in resources, facilities, kind teachers and an inclusive environment that seems perfect for your little (or big) one.

However, the most important person to consider in this equation is YOU. Capital Y-O-U.

That is because you are the most important person in this family unit, and if you are not coping, struggling or under way too much stress, the family unit will be affected.

As the captain of the ship, your needs matter first. You drive the ship, steer it and are responsible for the health and safety of the crew. Without you, the crew-mates flounder and there will be mutiny.

As they say, you can’t pour from an empty cup, so if your cup is depleted too much, everyone will be affected.

So, if there is a perfect school for your child, but it is causing too much strain, pressure and disharmony trying to get your kid to go there, I would advise against it.

As an alternative, you might try to accommodate your kid’s needs in other ways such as supplementing your child with afterschool activities, holiday camps or stimulating experiences that could be enriching for them.

But don’t send yourself bankrupt - emotionally, mentally or physically, to meet their schooling needs. Your needs are paramount.

An exception to this notion could be if sending your child to a school you choose to meet your needs first, causes your child distress. Perhaps they are being badly bullied or get into the wrong crowd (like I did) or just seem despondent and uninspired.

In this case, your child’s despondency will begin to affect you and the family unit and you will look at making some changes to get them into a better place.

Their onflow of wellbeing will create family harmony which will be beneficial for all involved.

Take some time to sit, be still and think about your options. That deep inner feeling of knowingness will take over and guide your decision.

You can always try a school first and see how it goes. The earlier years in both primary and secondary school can be better for changing schools.

The most important thing to remember is that your needs come first so that you are able to take care of everyone else.